Today is my last day in Halifax. I have had the great pleasure of living in a city that welcomed me with a loving heart, and cheerful song. I spent the last four years learning, stumbling, creating and growing. I forged a path for myself, and I worked hard to keep it progressing. I didn’t give up when it got tough, and although there were some tears, I cleared my hesitations and pressed on.
This past month has uncovered more questions, more confusion and more joy. God has led me directly towards where He wants me. He patiently waits for me to calm down when He decides to speak, and He patiently waits as I gather my barrings and obey where He wants me. But, obedience isn’t easy, nor does it follow along with my plans.
At the beginning of the month, (August 2016), I received my fiance visa! (Biggest blessing!) I then discovered that I would not be able to leave the US after I entered it in September – Zach and I are attending a concert early September. We also knew that we needed to wed in 90 days once the visa arrived. But, with more information given, Zach and I had to change what we wanted our visa wedding day to look like. After much deliberation, tears – on my end – and prayer, Zach and I agreed that we would share a God centred wedding with a Thanksgiving potluck with immediately following. We will keep our original wedding date – April 29, 2017 – as a vow renewal in front of all our friends and family. I never expected to have two weddings, or rather two celebrations, but I know that God has a greater plan for us. I am excited to go on this journey with Him and Zach as we get closer to our God designed purpose. Through all the “chaos” God faithfully led me to today. When I got worried about money, selling furniture, travelling, packing, where I’d stay, cleaning – whatever it was – He graciously and lovingly provided. Every single time. When I worried, He calmed me. When I made a mistake, He comforted and provided a new way. He is beside me through it all.
As I sit here in the airport, apprehensive butterflies flap around, yet, God graciously pours peace over me. I am excited and ready to get married to Zach in just over a month. I don’t know all of the twists and turns that will arise, but I am at peace knowing that I am right where I need to be. God places us in His time. He gives us what we need, even when we don’t think we do. I’ve spent a lot of time praying for the things that I need, and not what I want, but that my needs turn into my wants. I desire to be a woman after God’s heart, and even though I don’t know all the details, I know God. He loves me and holds me close to His heart. All I can do in this time is wait for Him to led me and trust that whatever happens, it is for my growth to become more like Him. And, I’ll give Him the glory every step of the way.
As I sit here on the last day of this chapter, I am not overcome by worry or fear. Peace, comfort, and love surround me. I know that this was where I am meant to be and that this degree, city and new direction are from the Lord . He placed these on my heart, and now I am onto His next chapter. These past few years have brought so many changes, where my plans changed and I needed to step out of stubbornness and step into obedience. Who am I to say to the Lord on what He should do? I don’t want to live in pride, nor in the way that I want – because humans fail. We don’t see everything, but He does. So even though I had to pack up in less than a month and fly to the opposite side of the continent and now prepare to get married in 90 days. I will trust what God has planned for me. I don’t want to have Him fit into what I want, I want to be what He wants. I want to be the woman that desires Him more and strives to show Him off. I refuse to have Him be on the sidelines because my life would fall apart without Him. I need Him every single breath, step and thought. I want my life to be His, and I desire to have His will be mine.
When I think about how everything will unfold, I’d be lying if I said that I am not worried, scared or overwhelmed. But, I am also SO excited. I get to finally see my fiance and be in the same city – exactly one month before we say “I do.” Although I never knew this is where I’d end up, I am so happy with how everything turned out. Trusting in God has been the most stressful yet rewarding choice, day after day.
I hope that you are able to take some comfort in knowing that not everything has to be planned perfectly – this is still hard for me to swallow, but it’s true. Not everything we do has to unfold in our ways, but when we trust that God is in control, then He will bless you and reveal more of Himself to you. Trust in Him and allow His peace to wash over you in everything that you are doing. Invite Him into every crevice and He will shine His love and direction. Trust is hard, but then you won’t go onto new greater things. And I don’t know about you, but I want to have many more adventures. So take that step, release your wants, and as for His. He will provide – generously – but also not in the way that you would expect.
“But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” – Ruth 1:16